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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Feb 2007
10:23 PM EDT

is it that my life seems like an endless list of regrets, running along the same circular path that never ends? where the mind is a neurotic mess of racing thoughts trying to win first place and the body lies immoble? where emotions are irrational oblivion and you ignore all your problems til they expectedly or not pop up 10 times as strong? i am standing on the top floor of a house with no foundation that was prone to collapse, and it did. giving up is depressing. i am slowly and steadily realizing that i have no control over myself. i am devolving into a blur and my face will forever be devoid of any expression until it suddenly peels off and i can no longer recognize the person inside or out. every plan is a failure. every task a battle. nothing makes sense anymore as i allow my own asphyxiation in this sea of idleness. every belief will soon be contradicted by the next and i can no longer make sense of things. i have nothing left to overanalyze yet i continue to do it anyway. am i losing it? perhaps i have suppressed that fact long ago and now that i have unwillingly isolated myself it is time to catch my first glimpse at reality. i should much rather prefer the previous blurred vision to this piercing vision that there is no vision. i want to just open up my box of childhood and bury myself in a lame fairytale and never know the difference. i want to openly accept my own lie. live it or dream it nonetheless. but this is what time does-it crumbles things and then it is forgotten. i am as fucking clingly as wood glue and it is beyond my capability to let go of anything...recent or past. people or places. good or bad. failed dreams or plans. i remain stuck in every piece of it and revisit them in a state of subconsciousness every night in hopes that they will bring some sort of peace and quiet but the opposite of that is to be expected. when you take someone for granted and never truly realize their greatness until they are gone forever and the only thing you have left are these faceless memories that are slipping away rapidly because you can no longer recall them and so you invent them and recreate them much to inaccuracy and find yourself lost in being lost and you are just so fucking confused and you can't comprehend the sun coming up in the morning because you are too fucking fucked up to wake up and when you finally do you are surrounded by a force field of disorientation. and nothing makes sense. at all. when you get to this point you look for some sort of inspiration to change yourself for the better only you cant because youre you and you will forever remain stuck like this. a cruel bastard who cant feel enough for others. a selfish bastard who can never put others first. a cruel bastard who now confronts this intense wave of karma as though it were never to be expected and now this is what the cruel bastard gets. strip me away. i will never learn my lesson, and i will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again until the day that may never come when i learn to give without expecting anything in return. i will never be selfless. i am only human. man can only smother the innocent. this is a world where only the weak survive. i have had my fill, but this is only the beginning.

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storminorma 64, Female, Florida, USA - 34 entries

Feb 2007
9:50 AM EDT

My favorites! Old Country General Stores..Ahh the good old days! I remember growing up in upstate N.Y. and Vermont, where we spent many summers.. We always loved going to the quaint little country stores for beef jerky, penny candies and maple sugar! Anyone who doesn't appreciate "country" probably doesn't appreciate much of anything else either.

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cyborchikgrl 31, Female, Georgia, USA - 5 entries

Feb 2007
9:33 AM EDT

i love all yall

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Journal4Jackson 49, Female, California, USA - 48 entries

Feb 2007
5:17 AM PST

SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: Georgia">2/17/07- Woke up at normal time, freeplayed for 20 minutes or so. Had breakfast, ate everything well (did smoothies with straws again for oral-motor work). Got cleaned up, dressed, brushed teeth, etc. Played with cars in the living room. I went out for errands for a few hours, Dad watched the kids. He watched 1 hour Sat AM cartoons (Veggie Tales, 321 Penguins). Then played on the trampoline for 15 minutes or so and then played various games with Dad. When I got home around Noon it was lunch time, ate everything well. Then went outside and played in the front for about an hour. Played with balls, trains, sister, played in his tent/tunnel. Then came in, played a game at the table for 15 minutes. Then it was storytime/naptime. SLEPT for a little over an hour. Then got up, and painted at the table for 20 minutes. Cleaned up, went to dinner and played in the playpark. He did well and minded for the most part. Had a small meltdown before we left, he saw a boy with some toy cars that he wanted. We went out to the car and by the time we loaded up he had calmed down and stoped crying. Came home, took a bubble bath. Played with squishy foam in the tub. Then got pj's on, read stories and went to bed. Fell asleep within 45 minutes. Total TV time for day: 1hr. Total time outs for the day: 2. Brushed every 3 hours w/out problems.

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beckyleigh 34, Female, Florida, USA - 6 entries

Feb 2007
7:38 PM EDT

o yea... i haven't been on in a while now but i have resently found out that my best friend cuts herself...i don't know what to do...she got therapy for it but she is still cutting and she does not want to go to a hospital...she doesn't understand that she is hurting herself!!....it is getting rediculas...i wish i could help her...but i don't know how to....later*

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2 comment(s) - 06:31 PM - 07/19/2007

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storminorma 64, Female, Florida, USA - 34 entries

Feb 2007
6:52 AM EDT

Personally for myself I am not afraid of anything, or anyone on Earth..maybe that also comes with age. My faith in God gets me through difficult times and situations..I do fear however, for the future generations of mankind as a whole. Being a mother, auntie, and friend to many of our younger people today, I worry for their futures. We have such a "Spiritually Bankrupt Society" in the youth of today, and they are up against many difficult issues in many areas. Hopefully they also will find their way and lead successful, productive, happy, fulfilling long lives.

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SamanthaAlexandra 37, Female, California, USA - 60 entries

Feb 2007
2:23 AM PST

I just noticed the question of the day. What am I afraid of? The non avoidant truth that I may very well die lonely. There, that's the truth. It's not that I'm afraid to die alone, it's more the fact that I'm finally realizing I probably will.

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SamanthaAlexandra 37, Female, California, USA - 60 entries

Feb 2007
2:20 AM PST

Sometimes, I like to lie on the ground and close my eyes to think of the big picture. Delete school from my mind, as well as family and friends, and forget about this corrupt world. I'll think of my past and what I semi plan for the future. It makes me want to lay there forever. On many occations, it temps me to drive somewhere, anywhere, and not tell anyone. Sometimes it's nice to disappear for a while or find yourself where nobody knows anything about you. Right now is one of those moments.

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blackroseangel 33, Female, Louisiana, USA - 27 entries

Feb 2007
5:15 AM CDT

sorry its been a while. i got a new boyfriend name nick we r having a great time. i have so much to tell so i will have to do it later. i am still in memphis being a hot girl rocking and being eye candy. so i 'll write as soon as possible

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Lost 39, Female, Washington, USA - 76 entries

Feb 2007
6:14 PM EDT

so yea i didn't get to finish my last entry but need lest to say i had a bad day at work i'm lot calmer not so its all good i get to move to day i'm soooooooo happy now it great and i get to go snowboarding for the first time on Sunday i'm pumped about that too and well i'm just going to call him my boyfriend who is it going to hurt other than me no one right right so anyway my boy friend comes home on Thursday yea i can't wait plus Thursday well be the first day that my job can relax cause that will be the first day after the inspection and i'm off that day its all to the good but anyway thats it for now

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